there’s a man in my neighborhood i often run into. he walks his daughter’s dog, bubbles, a shih tzu, so we cross paths on the morning route and make small talk about pee pads, paws’ dislike for sidewalk salt, blah blah. we probably see each other 5x a week, more than i make small talk with my own family, but apart from the fact that he has a daughter who has a shih tzu who is trained to pee inside, i really know nothing about him.
so the other day, when he asked me something about myself and not my dog, i was caught off guard. and when we got to talking about his daughter, i was caught even more off guard.
he told me that he and his ex-wife had decided to support her after college by paying her rent, food, healthcare, gym, etc expenses, indefinitely, until marriage because “we knew she wasn’t going to be able to get a good enough job or make enough money on her own, before she found a husband.” at 29 years old, his daughter is still an assistant at conde. and still living off her parents. shocking.
as exhausting as it is to live and support yourself in new york and as many times as i have lied awake at night hoping someone would just come rescue me from my misery (and take my dog out, please?), i have never been more thankful to both my parents for not being willing nor able to cushion my lifestyle, than in this moment.
what sort of support does this father think he’s giving his daughter by sorely underestimating her? what kind of message is he sending by implying that she’s incapable of independence?
if you want to support your daughter (and bubbles), dude, i suggest you put a halt to the checks and instead, invest in your daughter’s self esteem. once she believes she can do anything on her own, she probably will.
… just a thought.
xx, E
Thoughts of an Emily 